As I mentioned in Back in the Saddle PART I, thanks to my injured pinky toe…yes, pinky toe, I am finally able to defend against Mr. Lopez’s despicable demonstrations. But first, let me address how I got into my present state, for some of you have enquired as to how I actually sustained my injury. So here is a fairly detailed depiction of the event and the circumstances surrounding it. Brace yourself, it's a long one.
I know it's not in 3D but I figured I'd save you $10...You're welcome.
A few days back I had the pleasure of going for a hike in woods in the mountainous Finger Lakes region with two friends of mine. It was a glorious day out: 80 degrees, sunny, bright blue skies, yet not to humid. Perfect for communing with nature. However! Little did I know of the peril that awaited my left pinky toe.
The goal of the day was to work up a good sweat from hiking, then head to the beach that was across the street from the entrance of the trails to cool off and eat yummy delicious food (which by the way beach adventures are my favorite of pastimes so I was completely stoked). My friends and I had been hiking along the more mountainous trails when we decided to follow a trail that follows a creek for about half a mile to a waterfall.
This kind of creek but the water was lower.
The trail was beautiful, and mildly difficult to travel. Often times we had to switch the banks of the creek in order to find the easiest route, and there were plenty of rocks, fallen trees, and other standard nature blockades that required careful thought to traverse safely. Granted the moment we hit the trail I reverted to my inner child, which meant that I regarded this trail with a vast amount of curiosity and naught but a soupcon of caution. In other words I was passing through this trail with more instinct than thought. Like a cat. A WILD cat. Yeah.
I totally animorphed.
When we finally reached the waterfall my sense of adventure was in full form. It was a beautiful calm and cascading waterfall set in shale.
like this but more narrow. but it had all these ledges.
The water fell and collected into a pool, and the surrounding trees that had grown to cover the trail separated enough to let the sun’s rays make the water glisten. It was nothing short of amazing.
My friends and I quickly shed our shoes and socks and sallied forth through the glistening pool, enjoying the cool, quiet waters, and the warmth of the sun, not to mention ignoring the couple sitting in the water who clearly wanted to be alone.
Like this but human.
Soon I noticed that once upon a time someone had tied a rope to a tree towards the top of the falls so that one could climb to the first sturdy ledge of the waterfall. Without hesitation, I grabbed the rope, tested the weight, and began climbing.
I scaled the side of the waterfall and soon I stood on a ledge about 15 ft above the ground. I called down to my friends and soon they followed. But as they climbed, I thought, “I bet I can go higher.” I looked around and of course I found a solid path, and so I scaled higher, rooting my fingers and toes into the rock to steady myself. And I made it to the next cliff.
Here the cliff was large enough to walk across. I called to my friends and they followed me. We continued in our revels, taking lots of pictures with goofy stances. But it still wasn’t enough.
I looked up at the last most protruding cliff and thought, “Surely, I can go higher.” So I started like before, rooting my fingers and toes into the crevices in the rock, and scaling higher and higher. And I made it to the very top of the waterfall.
I now stood at least 40ft in the air at the highest most point in the middle of the quietly cascading waterfall. I felt a rush! A surge of wonder, accomplishment, and unity with nature.
All I needed was a bow staff.
I looked around and saw that the creek here was much wider, more like a streambed, and continued around the bend. Of course I was intrigued by this, and wanted to continue.
I called to my friends and told them what I saw, and surely they began to follow my lead, carefully scaling upward to meet me. I explored around the bend and jumped up to a fallen tree that hung over the river. I followed it over to a large rock where I sat and watched as the water flowed past me from around yet another bend.
At first I thought, “this is it” and I heard my friends talk about climbing back down but then I thought “No, there HAS to be more,” and I considered my knowledge of natural geography (I am a Bachelor of Science afterall). And so I set off further around the next bend. As I rounded the corner I saw it, a second more beautiful water fall.
I turned and ran to get my friends. Then I rushed back, excited over my discovery. I called after them to hurry, then turned to run towards the waterfall, but when I took one step my foot slipped and I stubbed my toe. When I looked down my face dropped.
Blood.
Lots of blood. I pulled my foot out of the fresh water to inspect the wound. It was bad. Amongst all the red I could see hard white. The smooth shale rock of the streambed had cut my pinky toe at the base of the nail down to the bone. The top part looked as though it was ready to fall off. But my very first thought was “Damnit! Now I can’t go to the beach!”
...for me... :'(
Fortunately the shirt I was wearing had a long cloth tie to it. A fashion statement. I quickly untied it, pulled it from my shirt, and proceeded to make a tourniquet. I put my toe back in its place and wrapped it up, starting at the wound and tying tightly at the base of the toe, then crisscrossing around my foot and up past my ankle.
It was already bleeding through the make-shift bandage, and a small pool of bright red was collecting until the waters came and washed it away. As I was tying, my friends caught up to me and, confused, they asked me what had happened. I responded in a calm, matter-of-fact tone of voice,
“I have to go to the hospital. I cut my toe down to the bone. It’s falling off and I’m already bleeding profusely. I need stitches.”
They looked at me even more confused. I said, “Don’t worry I’m just going to go to the hospital.”
Then I showed them the second awesome waterfall, took a picture, metaphorically hiked up my pants, and took off for the hospital... which meant going back the way I came...
I climbed down the 40ft waterfall and waded to a creek to get to my shoes. I carefully put them on and turned in time to talk my friends down the waterfall who were struggling to find a safe route. Once they were safely down I took off down the rough trail as quickly as I could. Traveling over the rocks and fallen branches and across the creek, while trying to keep as much weight off of my injured as possible.
Half a mile later I made it back to the entrance and walked up to the park’s info desk. By this point I had bled through my sneaker and was feeling dizzy either from the heat, loss of blood, bodily shock, dehydration, rush of adrenaline, partial panic, or one extra combo of all of these, hold the onions.
As calmly as I could I explained to the teenage girls sitting in the booth that, “This is going to sound terrible but where is the nearest hospital? I’ve cut my toe down to the bone. I’m bleeding profusely, and I need stitches. Can you tell me how to get to the hospital?”
Wide-eyed, the young girl explained to me that it was just down the country road and to the left. "Great!" I thought, and I thanked them.
I was going to drive myself but then I realized that my keys were in my bag, which was locked safely in my friend’s car. Safely from my grasp.
Now I finally started to lose my cool. None of us had our phones. They were locked in the car. My friends were nowhere in sight, and I was standing in the middle of a hot parking lot bleeding through my shoes. I was floundering.
I stood there waiting for about 10 minutes and eventually my friends emerged from the trail. I called to them, explaining that my keys were locked in the car, and they hurried over. I told them where the hospital was and my one friend opened the car door for me. We hopped in and my friend rushed me to hospital.
About 2 hours, 2 painful shots of novacaine, 2 stitches, x-rays, and plenty of hilarious hospital shenanigans (including shameless flirtation with a beautiful x-ray nurse) later, time found me waiting patiently for some medical words of wisdom from the Doctor. I was laying comfortably in my hospital bed after some charitable pampering from my beautiful nurse ;), my friend and I were musing about how crazy it was that I just tied up my sliced up toe, climbed down a waterfall and trekked half a mile through a rough trail. I just inhaled deeply and said,
“Yeah, I just Ramboed that shit.”
I then closed my eyes and laid my head down to rest.
So thats basically how it all happened. I left out details about the hospital shenanigans, and about how I called my mom and said, "I'm bleeding profusely," when she asked me "What's up?" But I'd like to take a moment to comment on the dramatic irony that is my life: I scaled a fucking waterfall barefoot and not once did I slip and fall or come close to plummeting to my death, but I happen to turn to quickly in a creek and take one step, and I nearly lose my toe.
Anywho, for those of you who stayed tuned for the whole thing, you rock! And to you, Mr. Lopez, I may be physically handicapped at the moment, but I am as intellectually savvy as ever before. Afterall, I am a scientist.
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I'm comin' for YOU, Mr. Lopez.
and I'm brandishing my Bachelor of Science Degree.
What.
